"It is a luxury to pursue what makes you happy, it is a moral obligation to pursue what you find meaningful" - Jordan Peterson
I think that if you have a shop re-opening and don't have some sort of shipping issue, you didn't do it right.
I am so grateful for those who support this small business of mine. It makes me feel like people believe in me. After I re-opened the shop, I pondered the direction of BadFish Wear.
Would I only be open for the summer? Would that make it more manageable?
I will be starting my internship this fall, as well as applying for the doctoral program, so I have to consider what my time will look like. One day of classes, four days of internship.
Could I do it? Absolutely. Would I burn myself out? Likely.
I won't really know the workload until I start, but I can imagine once I am in the field, life will be a lot different. Any of my "free" time, I will want to savor. Meal prepping, exercising, journaling, being near the ocean, doing work in coffee shops. I don't mind the grind life, but moving into the health care world I am learning how vital it is to take care of myself more than ever.
Every time I experience a big transition in my life, I tell myself that this is the hardest thing I have ever done.
But is it?
Brushing my mom's hair while she cried during chemotherapy when I was 15 years old was hard, but I still brushed. Moving to Jacksonville when I was 17, to a college where I knew nobody was hard, but I welcomed the change. Moving to Australia after college when I was 22 was hard, but I got on that plane anyways. Deciding to go to therapy was hard, but I still showed up week after week.
The truth is, there has always been hard. At different levels, at different times in my life.
Yet I am still here.
What is that saying? If it was easy, everyone would do it?
So the next I find myself thinking how hard things are and slipping into this "woe is me" mentality, I will reframe and remind myself that no one else can do what I do because I am me, and this is my story.
So what am I going to decide to do? I am not sure yet, but right now, I am just going to enjoy the ride.